I have always been extremely sensitive to the tension in the room during the holidays. You know like when my dad’s mom would come to town and my dad would have to like both the #sugarsweet #greens of his youth or the correctly cooked bitter greens that my mom made. Or even if he would eat more of his mom’s #fruitfilled #coconutcake or his wife’s coconut frosted layers. My dad always ate everything they both made with no comparisons and a big smile.

When #DudeandMe married we too married each other’s families and each other’s moms. Raymond ABSOLUTELY ADORES his mom and is a big ole #mommasboy, the kind that if he hears stress in her voice he’s there. Like 8 hours to Indianapolis there. Raymond’s mom and I never compare food or cooking or cleaning or how to raise kids. When I go to her house I eat whatever she cooks thankfully with a big smile. I trust that she raised Raymond and therefore her discipline is good enough for my children. I make every one clean up after themselves and I come behind and clean up again with bleach. I wash all of our towels and change all of our sheets when we leave her house (Even when she says not to and Raymond is ready to go) #MyMommaBroughtMeUpRight

Dude though, who always gotta be starting something will say Toni my momma’s ……. is so good you should learn to make it like hers. I nod and wash the dishes. One day the conversation was about chili. Now, I pride myself in my chili and at our house one day, Raymond gave his usual after the meal, “thanks, that was good baby” but didn’t have the good sense to stop there, he went on to say, “you know you should try and make it like my mom’s, hers is better” I thought long and hard before my next sentence. Like I was warring in my head the best comeback or how to cuss him out without the kids hearing me. But I simply said oh okay sure.

Later in the year we got to #NapTown and Raymond asked his mom to show me how to make her delicious chili. This was before texting, so I had to be fully present in the room. A couple of hours later we had this beautiful pot of chili with hearty chunks of beef, beans and “big thick noodles”. Raymond was so excited and I was excited for him. The whole trip every time he asked for food, I fed him chili.

I learned quickly that the love, devotion and respect that Barbara Ingram commands from #Dude is the same respect that he gives to me and the same respect he teaches Omar by his actions to give not only me, but every woman in his company. #GranMaBarb keeps a #pristinehome, makes all Raymond’s favorites, indulges his every whim and makes coming to Indianapolis fun for the whole family. Even at 5, Zion has grown up looking forward to #Thanksgiving at #GrandMaBarb’s.

A couple of years ago, Raymond and I were talking about that chili and he called his momma to tell her that I was talking about those noodles. I want you to know I was terrified. Barbara Ingram does not mince words and I wasn’t quite sure what she’d say after my #mommasboy of a husband told on me. He was hollering laughing and passed me the phone. I was like “hey GrandmaBarb, how are you doing?” She laughed and said “Peanut is so silly, what is he talking about?” I said who knows and we talked about her health what everyone else is doing and the #powerofprayer.

#30DaysOfThanks I thank God for a mother not by birth, but by heart and by a common love of her son. I thank God for Barbara who sees me not as just Peanut’s wife, but also as her daughter. #Day21 #Whatareyouthankfulfor #MotherInLaw #MotherInLove #Mommasboy #Icanhelpyouifyouletme #CleanUpAfterYourself #Thanksgiving #Holidays